So Justin Rose won the U.S. Open—good on him. First Englishman to win the tournament in over 30 years, and he beat out perennial second-place-finisher and clear fan-favorite Phil Mickelson. But let’s be honest: Golf is no way to spend a weekend. I’m a mini-golf man, or at best a beer-in-hand, par-three-course kinda guy. You lug your golf bag 18 holes in the blazing sun—I’ll be enjoying the rock of the waves and the tug on the fishing line.
Let’s talk about who really won the U.S. Open. American Billy Horschel flat-out dominated the pants game. Those octopus pants? Those are the pants of a winner. Well, technically they’re the pants of a guy who tied for fourth place. But that’s good enough for the W in my book. Whales or lobsters or Nantucket on your pants are so yesterday. Horschel took those classic nautical preppy pants and upped the ante by 1,000. Ralph Lauren Octopus pants all day. America for the win.