Spoof Section — December
By Capt. Ken Kreisler
Zapping the Kitty
solution that may turn around a potentially devastating accident, plus good
advice for a confused boater.
mistakenly deployed the CO2-charged fire-suppression system, and unfortunately
our cat, which likes the warmth of the engine room, took the full brunt
of the blast. She was, of course, flash frozen. I immediately got her
into the freezer. As you can well imagine, the kids are quite upset. How
do I solve this problem? R.M.N., via e-mail
It is the doctor’s contention that living organic matter, when flash frozen, can be reanimated to a healthy condition. Continue to keep kitty in the deep freeze while you take your boat out, and run it until the engine room warms up. Once the area is nice and toasty, place her in the exact spot you found her. Stein states you should avoid any chance of traumatizing the organism when it comes to.
As illustrated in the accompanying diagram, place one lead from a fully charged, 12-V deep-cycle battery to one rear paw and the other lead to any ear tip. Standard alligator-type clips will do. When you see the frost begin to melt, give her a jolt by turning the battery switch to on. It may also be a good idea to have the kids present when your pet opens her eyes to help ease the transition.
In the worst-case scenario, as long as you are out at sea, a waterside service is a nice way to bring closure to the whole affair, after which you can visit your local animal shelter and get another pet. Kids are resilient. They’ll get over it. And don’t forget to recharge your fire-suppression system.
I can’t get my compass
to stop spinning when I make turns or change direction while underway.
Any suggestions? B.C., via e-mail
Someone like you should not be allowed out on the water, even in an inner tube. I’d also advise that family members keep a close watch when you’re in the bathtub. In fact, give me your marina location and a detailed description of your boat and the usual days and times you leave the dock. I can alert all those in your area to keep a sharp eye out. In addition, you should be registered with the U.S. Coast Guard as a dangerous weapon.
Need help with a maintenance problem? If you’ve got a question like the ones posted here, write to one of the other boating magazines. Their level of expertise is more suitable for such inquiries.
This article originally appeared in the November 2003 issue of Power & Motoryacht magazine.