Brave New Boat Show
New Boat Show
Starting in February 2004, the world’s largest boat show will be held in Bismarck, North Dakota, according to Bob Johnson, the show’s director.
“Don’t get me wrong. We’ve had 62 good years in Miami,” Johnson said at a press conference at Miami Beach. “And we appreciate this city’s incredible hospitality over the decades. But it’s time to move on, to stay fresh.”
When a reporter reminded him that the average temperature of Bismarck in February is 13ºF, Johnson declined to address any criticism. Instead, he continued to announce other changes to the nation’s largest boat show.
“We’re also going to try to class up the place with a new dress code. From now on, all men will have to wear white uniforms with plenty of gold epaulettes and fringes and embroidered anchors,” Johnson said. “Basically, if you don’t look like Capt. Steubing, you won’t get in.”
Clearly departing from his prepared remarks, Johnson went on: “And another thing, there will be no more slobs sucking down chili dogs and dribbling hot cheese all over the showroom models. We’ve had quite enough of that, thank you. Your kind can wait outside in the parking lot.”
Despite the aghast silence of the crowd, Johnson continued: “Speaking of the parking lot, we’ve decided that the current $50 parking fee is just not lucrative enough. From now on it will cost $150 per day. No, make that $200,” Johnson said. “I can’t have my daughter going to some crappy state college. I’m sure you all understand. After all, the children are our future.”
After taking a moment to compose himself, Johnson finished the press conference: “Anyway, we’re going to Bismarck, and that’s that. So, goodbye Miami, and thanks for all the memories.”
Word With... Capt. Ahab
Q: What do you
enjoy most about your time on the water?
Q: Sorry to hear
that. Does fishing help?
Q: I understand
that you’re not much of a catch-and-release kind of fisherman. Is
it true that you would actually rather die than to throw back the fish
Q: What are some
of the challenges of such an unusual circumnavigation?
Q: You mention
the “unsounded sea.” Of course Pequod is a fine cruiser, but
would you prefer something stronger, perhaps something made of fiberglass
or even Kevlar?
Q: I see. What
advice would you give someone aspiring to become a famous monomaniac?
This article originally appeared in the November 2003 issue of Power & Motoryacht magazine.